i can't explain this anymore.

First of all, I hate this shit they call rain. I really do. I'm not sure if anyone that reads this knows the reason as to why, Ian might, I may have told him in my many selfish and sickening rants about myself, but other than that I don't really think anyone else knows. Me and Taylor were talking about this earlier- it's so nice having people around you that understand you and what you're going through. You guys are all like.. my support group for life. Seriously. I mean that. You guys are incredible.

I love having tricks up my sleeve. Legit. Leave it to me and I will have SOMETHING planned. Sure, I have a tangable gift (that still needs wrapping, damnit.) that I'll give, and I'll bring you a pumpkin latte, but I still have something else up my sleeve that you are seriously going to keel over and die for. You really will. I'm serious. I'm so glad I have this planned out- it's going to be fabulous. I'm so excited.

Anyways, so today wasn't all that bad of a day. My day started off pretty bummed out realizing the fact that I can't go to basketball this week, because I'm covering a shift at goodwill tonight since everyone's breaking out with swine flu and such. But since I'm good like that I'm taking the spot. Which I don't mind, I can use the money. It's only a 5 hour shift so it's really not all that horrible. So then I was talking to Scott, and he sensed INSTANTLY that something was wrong- just by the words I was typing into a phone. I really have to give him credit, that's a hard skill to muster up. Ask Ian- he's one of the only people who can tell when I'm completely bullshitting about what I'm feeling. But Scott DID that! And somehow cheered me up (even though I didn't particularly need it in the first place?) but I was walking up going to meet Ash, and he says, "no hi, no wave, no smile, nothing?" and i just looked at him and he's like come say hi! and so i did. and Since i have the BEST BEST FRIEND EVER, she met me down there :) i dunno, something about the fact that he knew and cared about what was wrong was awesome. Even if he didn't care enough to follow through on it, it's okay. He's a guy. It's typical. Small steps, small steps.

So now I'm left feeling hopeful that in due time, things with Scott might work out. Maybe not today. And maybe not for awhile. But maybe. Maybe not, and that's a bridge that I am capable of dealing with should it come down to it. But I'm gonna be positive. His eyes are so expressive- I can see his feelings in his eyes.

Plus, the gf isn't the background on his phone anymore. :D fantastic.

I'm making progress.

I feel like such a homewrecker, I really do.

But in the end you can only make yourself happy I suppose.

Am I wrong to be doing this?