Ups and downs, here we go again. Same old story, never ends.

I'm really not sure what words can describe how I'm feeling right now. If there are any to describe it myself. I just don't think it's possible at this point. I don't even know. It's not quite misery, it's not quite depression. I think what I'm feeling is emotionless. Kind of numb, even.

The day started off so well! The snow. First snow. First light, new beginning.

Or not, whichever you prefer.

So I'm going to go through it all, point by point. Read it, or don't. I don't care.

First off, I'm so.. concerned. For her. I sat there today and watched her eyes. Everyone's eyes are expressive. Hers even more than most. I watched her look into his eyes when she thought no one else was paying attention. And that look that I saw in her eyes, I couldn't believe. She doesn't just like him. She fell for him. Hard. I don't particularly BLAME her, she can't help it. But just the look in her eyes, I don't know, it killed me. It really did. And I don't understand why. I've seen so many different things in people's eyes. I've watched someones eyes watch mine with love. I've watched someones eyes burn me with hate. I've watched someones eyes look expressionless, not caring at all. The last one hurt a lot, too, not going to kid you here. But that look, I just can't get the vision of it out of my head. At all. I'm trying. I am. But I can't get rid of it...

And then him! But WHY. Of course I have to run into you in the hallway when your pissed at me. Of course I do. Isn't that the way it always goes? Yes, Amy, yes it does. You think that I don't listen to you? That I don't know exactly what you think about this? I do. I remember every single thing you've told me, I haven't forgotten. And I do appreciate you looking out for me, but legit man, the fact that you got SO pissed off about it down right infuriates me. Down. Right. Infuriating. I'm not a slut, I'm not a whore, I don't go around looking for random guys to hook up with. It's not going to be like that with him either. Does he think I'm attractive? Probably. Don't all of your friends? Didn't you at one point? Yes, the answer to all of those is yes. But that doesn't mean that I'm gonna go run off and shack up with him. Seriously, you've known me for almost five years now. Cut me a little slack and give me some credit. You don't realize that even now, even still, after everything, your words hurt so much more. Even more now than they ever did.

Can I just say that I hate picture day? A lot? Because I really do. I don't like smiling for a camera when nothing made me smile in the first place, so that my frozen image, how horrible that image will be too, can remain forever in history, somewhere, somehow.

Anyway, back to the other main things. Just want you to know that I know exactly what's going on, who she is, what her story is. I understand. More than you'd expect me to, either.

Hold on, the phone just rang. Mom wants to know if I stopped at the store. No, I didn't because you didn't tell me to. Or rather ask me to. Anyway.

Well, now my least and most favorite song is on. It's my least favorite song because it brings up a lot of memories. And stirs up feelings that I don't like. But it's my most because it brings up a lot of memories. And stirs up feelings that I don't like. I know that makes no sense, and I don't expect you to understand.

Back to before my ADD moments, I know what's going on. And it's okay. Things take time. Whichever direction those things may be going, whether it be towards me, or her, or some other direction completely.

I just don't want to be broken again.

Alrighty, lots of quotes from the day. So let's do it up.
" :) x346. " Yeah, I counted them all. Don't judge me.
" Play that fucking track. PLAY THAT FUCKING TRACK!"
" Amy... I think that photographer is KINNDAAA attractive. "
" You wanna go, bitch? Bitch?! Bring it on, bitch, bring it on. "
" OMG Brownies for Tuesday! "

" So I like yellow. Shoot me. "

" Don't get T-Boned. Don't slam on your brakes. Use signals. Have a good day."

" Why don't you ever fucking listen to me? "
" If anything happens with either of them I'll never talk to you again. Never acknowledge your existance."
" Everything I tried to do was to protect you and do you listen no "

" You tried to lie and say I was everything. I remember when I said I'm nothing without you."