So. Another day. Completely wasted and ruined. By you.

You know what? I'm at the point where I don't care what you think of this. Me and him aren't "serious" and I honestly can't tell you if it's going to come to that. Maybe. I don't know. But if you're upset if and when it does, you're as much of a hypocrite as the other person. He has a good heart. Which you wouldn't understand, because I'm not sure if you have one. I'm sure you told him that there was someone else in my life. Which is kind of true. But he didn't need to know that because it's not anything substantial at this point and never really has been so I didn't see the need to run out and tell him after the first few seconds. So I had to sound overly emotional and pour my heart out to this guy just to get him to think that I'm not using him. Sure he's strong, but I think that you hurt him just as much as you hurt me. You made him think I was just hanging out with him to piss you off? That's bull. You know me, you read eyes evidentally, so look in mine and read them. See that I actually do care about him. I know it hasn't been long. But I do. And if you are going to say that I can't because I haven't known him long enough, exactly how long have you known your current significant other? Yeah, that's what I thought. I don't care what you think, I will stand beside him as much as I want to. I will sit in his truck every morning if I want to. I'll walk to class with him and give him a hug if I want to. It's none of your business. You had your chance and then you dropped it to move in on someone else.

Can I just say that being ditched for a guy really hurts? And you want to know why she won't talk to you anymore at all, unless you break things off with him? I'm starting to understand her point of view. I'm beginning to understand why. I don't ENTIRELY agree with it, because I said I would stand by you. And I am. It's just becoming more increasingly difficult as the days progress.

I've never had a teacher mock me like that. Sure, it's a level 4, and I'm supposed to use proper english. But the directions were, don't lift your pencil off the paper. "But what if you write something stupid?" The response, "Then you write something stupid." So that is what I did. Just wrote down what flowed into my head at that particular moment, and for the assignment at hand I have to say it was pretty deep. Sure, "more dead" wasn't gramatically correct but I was more focused on the next thing I wanted to say. But to have a teacher read it aloud, fine. whatever. If she was a decent teacher, she would have read the words as meaningful, and read what I was saying about myself in that brainstorm piece. How the inside is dead, and that no one cares about that part. That it's unattractive and no one wants to care about it. But noooo. Don't see that I'm hurting and expressing it through my writing. Read this. Then you can mock my writing all you want. but then to walk around the room saying "My right side is more dead than my left" and walk around the room with a severe fake limp and cradling her arm is ridiculous. I wanted to cry. I've never been that humiliated in such a short amount of time.

Well, I'm officially cringing and writhing in pain. Two days on a cement floor can do that to you I suppose when you already have issues in the first place. Tylenol isn't really cutting it for me anymore =\ Maybe it's time to get a doctor in on this.