Difficulty.

So yesterday I lied when I said making a person feel not good enough is worse- telling them not to talk to you is the worst. Period. It doesn't get any worse than that. No one understands the full impact that those words have on me. Especially from him.

And. I don't understand how people can be classified by the people they talk to. How am I a whore for talking to him? He's a good person. He's YOUR friend in the first place. So I really don't understand. But I also don't care. Because he's not a bad person.

I hate how on my way home, I start listening to CD on the 8th track, and I actually turned up the volume and kept it there. 9th track, didn't really pay attention to, cause why? oh yeah, I almost got T-Boned by some idiot on a cell phone. Mhmmm. So then, 10th track, and I just break down. Completely. And I'm really not even sure why.

BUT. I have a few ideas.

I'm so done being toyed with and being labeled as something that I'm not. At all. And the fact that people are willing to bet on stupid things like my happiness or who I'm going to go to when I get hurt. Not if, when. Isn't that really nice? And put money on it. And then get pissed when they don't get their money. Do I really need a price tag that badly? I know I have one on my work I.D that says $1199.99 but seriously. That was a joke. This wasn't.

I've begun to understand why people are starting to drop out of their friend's lives, when they used to all be so close in a nice tight circle. And what I've decided is that since I have come into that circle, it's been so disrupted. I've watched as it fell apart since I joined it and it's only continued to crumble and it's gotten worse and worse. After that, new smaller circles start, and now even those are starting to dimish. See what I've done? See what I started? But I honestly have to say that I understand why some people have chosen to left, and I have to partially agree with them on that decision, and contimplate it now myself.

Sometimes you start to wonder when it gets to be too much, and if in the end it'll be worth it.