The fact of the matter is, is not that I didn't know. Because I did. It's just the fact that the way it was said... really hurts. Just the reason that I couldn't be viewed as someone with potential simply because of who I'm friends with.. that's what hurt. And that's all I'm going to say because I refuse to keep dwelling on this because it's not really all that significant because LIKE YOU, I posted my EMOTIONS, which I let get the best of me. I am happy with the direction you chose. I am okay with it. (too freaking bad if i'm not, right? =P) I'm happy that you're finally starting to turn things around and be happy again. I just had a moment of... how do I say this, being thrown down on the floor and wanting to cry just because it hurt? Ehh, I can't explain this right at all. But it was momentary, and I'm sorry if I... was misleading in thinking that I'm more angry than I am.
Can I say that Time Travellers Wife is one of the best movies i've ever seen in my entire life? So good. Real tear jerker too damnit, looks like I'm going to have to research my movie choices before I go see them.
So now I am left with two options. (Simply OPTIONS) i could either go back to him and try to fix things, knowing that I have been happy there before and maybe could again. But also knowing that I've been hurt there too. Or I could stick with trying to start things off with someone new, and lose someone who's been a huge part of my life for years. But if I go back into old ways so to speak, I'll lose the opportunity to start something new. I can't lose either one of them. I can't choose to leave one. I need them both in my life in one way or another. It's just difficult.
What I have finally decided to do, though, is stick with trying something new. I've been hurt too many times to go back there. We still have things that need to be tied up, loose ends connected, so on and so forth, and when that is finished, so will this entire thing. And hope that he will still be behind me and support me as my friend. I know it'll take awhile to get there. But I'm optimistic that he'll miss my friendship like I miss his.
It's gonna be alright, no matter what they say. It's gonna be a good day, just wait and see.
Two hometown hearts, up against the world.
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