Junior Year

The 2010 School Year is almost at its end.
And now that it is, I take the time to look back and see what exactly made this year what it was. It flashed by in front of my eyes, it's like wow, what the hell just happened?

Main synopsis of the story goes a little something like this--

My best friend broke up with her boyfriend.
And she fell in love with my ex.
I had a major crush on hers.
It all worked out in the end,
She had him, he had her.
They're happy.
I moved on and he's my friend.
All is good.

Then I fell for my ex's friend.
Hard.
He made me feel whole again,
I thought that maybe, this time things were going to be different. Things were going to be better, I was going to be wholeheartedly happy and I was going to love with everything I had. I was in it for the long haul. I opened up, told him everything that makes me me. All the little stories that make up who I am. He took it all, soaked it up, and listened when I was upset. He'd be there for me whenever I needed a shoulder to lean on. He'd visit me on my breaks, and always told me it was good to see me.
Then the secret comes out- he has a girlfriend. And won't break up with her.

So, I did what I had to do and let it go.
And I fell for someone else.
Someone completely different, that my family liked, and was every bit as quirky as I was. He accepted all my little imperfections, infact he embraced them, made them a part of who he was. Together, we conquered everything.
Until it crashed down.
And he let it.

So I went back for the guy who was so good to me in the beginning the last time.
And then he went for someone else.
And a third time's a charm.
He's always picked someone over me.

He never gave me the chance to let me be myself, to prove what kind of person I am, to show how happy I can make him. How I could love with everything that I have, how I could make him smile, how perfectly happy I could have been just sitting next to him in his truck. This entire year all I've tried to do is give my whole heart to him, give him the chance to know that we could have had it all.

He just never let me show him how much he meant to me.

I tried, and tried. I did everything I possibly could. Nothing worked. He wouldn't take the time to see how crazy happy he makes me.

Now he's leaving in eight days, diploma in hand, he's going to forget I ever existed.

Maybe then things will go back to normal.

But until then, I'm just going to stand here and still be crazy about him.

And just hope that eventually, it'll fade away.

Just like he will when he graduates.

I'll do it, even if it kills me.

Which, it just might.