I can't undo the mistakes I've made.
When he texted me and said hey, my buddy wants your number, can i give it to him,
bad idea.
That's what started this entire thing. You started by telling me how pretty I am. How attracted you were to me. If I didn't wave when I walked by, you'd beep your horn so that I'd have no choice but to turn around. Every minute was like the warmth from the sun. You made me feel so much better about myself. After spending four years being caught up in someone else, I was finally free to just be his friend. But you didn't see it that way. Even though he's like a brother to me, that's it, that's all he'll ever be, you saw something that wasn't there. You accused me of still having feelings for him. you had no right to tell me what i felt. You didn't know at all. You didn't believe me when I said I didn't. You could have just trusted me.
He said it himself, he would have loved for you to make me happy. As long as I was happy. I was so ready to give it my all, be your everything, stay in it for the long haul. Give you an honest, true relationship. I knew you'd been hurt, I could hear it in your tone and see it in your eyes. I didn't want you hurt anymore. You'd fixed all my hurt, you made it all go away, you made me feel whole again. I wanted to do the same thing for you. But you never gave me that chance. Three times I approached you, told you exactly how I felt. How crazy I am about you.
You chose to ignore that. You chose to go be with someone else. She's totally amazing, rocks your world and makes you want to live a completely different life. Well, you're happy. That's what counts. What about me, though? Do you even care that I sat here all this entire year, only wanting a real chance? I was just a something on the side for you- you always knew I'd be there, waiting in the wings, waiting for my chance.
I can't do that anymore. I refuse to do that anymore. Five more days I have to walk by you, then after that maybe I can start to heal. As I sit here and the tears roll down my face, I wonder what things would have been like if you'd actually have given me the chance? Picture it, ready. Last night we'd be having your tux fitted. Tomorrow morning I'd be getting my hair done, making sure there wasn't a wrinkle in my gown. The cameras would flash, and off we'd go, and spend the night together at prom with all of our friends.
I hate that you've done this to me. I hate that you've taken every last bit of happyness out of me. You took my happy, you made me cry. You took my lonely and took it for a ride. I just want to undo it. I want my happiness back. I want you to realize exactly what you did. I want you to be sorry for it. I want you to see that you hurt people. Good people, who did nothing wrong towards you. Good people who are just trying to find a place where they're loved. I could have loved you with my whole heart, everything I've got. You just didn't take the time to see it.
I'm trying so hard not to be caught up in you. To not freak out every morning when I walk past you. To search around when I know I'll probably see you. I'm trying to make it so that you don't have any control over my emotions. But it's not working. You still have so much power over me.
Someone, please, just make it stop. I can't breathe. You're suffocating me. You took the happiness I had left, please, just stop. I can't beg this of you anymore. I want my heart back, I want you to know that as crazy as I am for you, I'm tired of hurting, you can't hurt me anymore, please, just please, just don't....
I can't undo meeting you. I can't undo inviting you to visit me at work. I can't undo making you cookies from scratch for your birthday. I can't undo the mornings I used to spend at the window of your truck, to barely get acknowledged. I can't undo the feeling I'd get when you used to tell me how good it was to see me.
I can't undo falling so hard for you.
But I wish I could.
Why did you have to do this, and why can't you just take it back.... take it all back.
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