And from her lips she drew a "Hallelujah"

I'm going to start with everything from graduation, forward.

June 12th, 2010. Graduation. I got to see the one person that I care about more than almost anything walk across the stage and get a diploma. I always knew he would, but it was just this one moment that I knew was coming was finally here. But before all that. I have a story.

I was sitting with a few people that I know, and a woman, her husband, and younger son walk into the row behind us, and they seem to know one of the girls I was sitting with. They talked for quite awhile, and we all just sort of chatted here and there. So then the woman starts talking about Adam Sandler, and how it's going to be really cool that he's there. I said yeah, and that he came to my work a few weeks ago. I work at goodwill, and he donated a few things. Her eyes slightly bulge, and she goes, "What's your name?" So at that moment, thoughts rush through my head. Does she go there a lot and I don't recognize her? Is she related to someone who works there? I dunno, let's find out. Amy, I say, and you can clearly see surprise in her face. You're Amy? she asks. Yep, that'd be me... is all I can say. She waves at her husband who is sitting a few seats down and says hey, that's Amy...

Who is this person, and how does she know who I am?

It was his mom. Out of all the places I could have chosen to sit, out of all the people who sat behind me, his mom was the one.

After graduation was over, I was walking around outside the Verizon, bumping into a few familiar faces, lots of hugs, and I think I said the word "Congratulations" about fifty times. But one hug stuck out to me more than the rest. His.

Just the fact that he knew that I was there, that I came all the way out in the rain, in a dress nontheless, to see him, was perfect. He knew that my intention was to see him. And he saw me.

I haven't seen him since then, which, I knew I wouldn't. And i'm not even sure I'll see him any time soon. But if I don't, I have the memories of this past year with me, always. Both the good and the bad, they shaped everything into the feelings towards him that I have. I'll never forget how happy he's made me. I'll never forget how hurt he's made me either, but it's more important to remember happiness.

I'm just so proud of him and everything he's accomplished.

So then finals came and went, and I am now officially a Central High School senior. And this year, I've decided, I will have absolutely no self confidence issues. I won't let myself. THe past three years I wasted too much time worrying about how I looked in the eyes of everyone else. So I'm going to concentrate on what I look like in my own view, screw what everyone else things. I've started by sitting in the sun every day since that moment, and slowly my skin is getting darker. I've spent a lot of time going through all the clothes in my closet and deciding, do I feel good in this? If I do, I put it back. If I don't, I'm giving it to Goodwill. I have no room or energy to spend on things that I don't feel good in.

And so since I'm emptying out half my closet, I have to restock it. Which isn't cheap, but how I can put a price on feeling confident?

I've already spent time with friends, gone shopping, and just enjoyed the sunlight. Summer has just started, and it's already amazing.

I know that every day isn't going to be perfect, and some days I'm going to be sitting here bored out of my tree wishing I had somewhere to go.

BUt I know that there are days that I will have somewhere to go, people to see, and things to do. So i just have to look forward to those, instead of not looking at the days where I don't.

I just decided that I'm going to focus on making myself happy and making myself feel better than I have these past three years, and even before that. Because I am almost an adult, and I have to start acting like one.

Whatever it takes, I'm going to do it. The lost, broken, upset, hurting me is gone. THe new me doesn't have time to deal with that bullshit.

And from her lips, she drew a "hallelujah."

<3