I went to visit my uncle this morning. I took the drive, and passed thousands and thousands of granite stones with various names, and dates, until I came to the two trees aligned between the two statues, just over half way up. And there, in goldplated granite, read, David A. Daigle, 1964-2000.
He was only 36 years old, and the accident was exactly that- an accident. Reports have been filed, re-enactments made, specialists have analyzed it over and over, but it doesn't change the fact that he's dead and there's no way to fix that. I don't give a flying leap how many times you build it up and tear it down, how many fancy people in white hard hats look at the paperwork, it was an accident.
An accident, at that, that took away one of the most important people in my life.
I stayed for a few moments, as many as I could bear, and then left. And as I made my way out of the cemetary, I realized how different life would be if he was still around. How many guys he would have scared the living hell out of, how many times I'd been able to turn to him, how many days I would have spent in his pool with my cousins.
But, life changes.
I started to analyze my entire life and face the facts that hey, I could be gone tomorrow. Not that I plan to be. But do you think my uncle planned to be, with a wife, an eleven year old son and an eight year old daugher at home? Of course not. But he was happy, truly happy, until the very moment that he died.
I have to start living like that.
So in honor of my uncle, who would have never approved of you, you are no longer an important part of my life. I've said that before, but I'm damn solid this time. I tried so hard to make you see how much you meant to me and you threw it all out the window every single time. So, you are no longer important to me, and no longer will I particulary care what you do or say. Because when it comes to me, you don't do or say anything. At all.
You won't make me stop in my tracks anymore. Whenever I make eye contact, I'm going to stare at the ground and walk away. I wont let my heart skip when I see a silver grand am and I'll stop checking the license plate on a teal ford.
It'll just take some time. That's all.
Now that summer's knocking at the front door, it's time to stop being so upset and so depressed and take a stand, and make things happen.
Face it, Amy. The rocks are leaving. The entire life that you created this past year is going to be leaving in a few days. My big sister is leaving. My brother is leaving. The two people that I have relied on for everything for the past five years are going to be gone in a matter of minutes. Diplomas in hand they're gonna be gone. It's time that I stand up for myself and be independent and not try to rely on them so much. I have to realize that the past five years have prepared me for this moment that I have to say good bye to them both. Now that it's here, I see exactly the degree of difficulty that I'm going to have. I know I'll be able to land on my feet, because that's what they'd want me to do.
I've rehearsed it in my head so many times, how many different ways I can say thank you for being my everything for five years of my life. But how can you put five years worth into five minutes? It's really not a simple task;; I've completely deemed it impossible.
So I'll stop making it about me, and just thank them for making my life so amazing and being everything I've needed them to be. I'll try not to cry, give them each a hug, and send them off and wish them the best.
Moral for the day- live for today. Because tomorrow? Just might never come.
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