I woke up this morning, and I went and sat out in the sun for just a half an hour. In that half an hour, the temperature rose almost ten degrees. Which is crazy, and it was starting to get hot, so I came inside, hopped in the shower, and made myself some breakfast. For the first time in a long time, it didn't constitute grabbing a poptart and unwrapping it. I actually cracked eggs into a bowl, beated them, and put them in a pan. Threw some stuff in there, and took a spatula, and folded it. And then ate it. I felt really proud of myself. For taking time to do something good for myself.
At this point it was now around 9:45, so I logged into facebook, and in the "most recent" homepage says that he has been writing for the past two hours and that he's going to get some sleep. This gets me curious.
Now keep in mind, I'm in a fantastic mood. I just sat in the sun, took a shower, and ate a good breakfast. Three of my favorite things about summer. So I took a little common sense, and logged onto the website which I log onto so often that I only have to type in the first three letters to the URL and it brings me right there.
I see that this post is going to be a good one, but facing reality they all are, so I read. And I have a slight smile about my face, happy with the happiness and content that I felt as a reader. Then I got to reading, top ten most influential people. So I was wondering, if I was going to be in there. I stopped reading, and said eh, it's not likely. I'm not that important.
So I read through the first three, agreeing where agreeing from my end is deemed relevant, and then, fourth in line, was me. Didn't even have to read it before I knew that I was going to be really happy after I read this.
My jaw at first, just dropped. I let out a huge gasp. To the point where my brother, who was only about 20 feet away from me, asked if everything was okay. I said yeah, mind your own business, and he turned back to the TV and I turned back to the screen. And I kept reading. Then it got into the bet that we made last summer on one of my days when nothing could make me feel happy again. I started to laugh, remembering the day perfectly in my head. But after that, I started to read about the explanation on what brought that on- and it made me cry.
Knowing me too well, he states the following.
Haha this is the point of Amy reading it that gets her head turning.You can say that again! I couldn't believe everything I'd just read.
So after I dried my eyes I continued to read the rest in bits and pieces, kind of skimming around, then I got down towards the end and the people who deserve a good kick in the shin. Can't say I was surprised about some of the ones in there, and then I see that I am one of them.
Wait. He's got to be kidding me, right? Read on, Amy, read on....
At first I didn't know whether I should be offended by this or laugh at it. Or maybe both, or neither? But, after I've read it over a few times, (yes, I realize that it is now 12:05 and I read it initially at about 10) I've decided that it's recognition of the fact of what I've gone through this year. We all had it pretty bad, and hey, some of us more than others. Some of us were vocal about it and some of us weren't. Some of us fought through it, others of us let it be, others of us just sit here and rampage about it in our blogs. Yep, that last one is a direct reference to myself.
But I see it as acknowledgement that I did go through a lot. That I did have a lot on my plate. That it was hard for me. But that I did it. That I fixed everything I needed to fix and took care of myself.
Even though some of my feelings have changed, I have a sense of security with where I'm at right now, and those who helped me get there. Maybe I don't see you as someone I'd date anymore, even though I used to, doesn't mean for a minute that I don't care. I think it's evident that I always have, since the first day in Sophomore English that I just randomly started talking to. I'm quite flattered, and honored, that you think of me that way- as someone who's helped you forward, and positively influenced you.
I haven't been the best of the best, and I know that. There were times when I could have done a lot more, times when I could have done a lot less, and times where I could have not been such an idiot and realized why the hell you were betting me ten bucks on me having a boyfriend by christmas.
But I have to agree with you most definitely, that I am most definitely happy that we are still friends, and that we have remained that way to this day. And that a relationship might have put that in jepoardy. Maybe, maybe not, but either way it doesn't matter. I'm happy with the outcome as I sit here to say this now, and you are as well.
It doesn't come down to how much I've helped you, how I got you back on your feet, how I influenced or guided or any of that. It's about the fact that you answered the phone at 3 AM that one night that I needed it. It's the fact that you were always there to talk, and you supported me when I needed supporting. You knew how to tell me not to slam on my brakes, use my signals and have a good day. You knew how not to talk the entire ride home from school to see if I could bear it. You knew how to send me an entire seven paged text message of smiley faces, just because.
I know you think that I've done so much for you, but I really haven't. Not in my eyes. And nothing you say will change that.
It's not at all what I've done for you. It's what you've done for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment