I Don't Like This.

I'm not really sure what happened, but what I can say is when you're already on edge, and someone else comes in, puts a little more on your plate, and doesn't understand that this is just the cherry on the flipping sundae, and then they flip out at you for apparently flipping out on them, when you most definitely didn't.

For those of you who really care, one of my best friends was in the hospital this past week. And it made me really scared because I don't like hospitals. Bad things have happened to me in those places and I just can't do it. I can't hear that someone so important to me is confined in those walls.

I wanted to get there, to see her and be with her but I couldn't. Like literally my schedule wouldn't allow it, but if I could have I would have fought against myself and gone in there and been by her side, all night if I had to, anything for her.

So I sat in the classroom all week anxiously awaiting word from her other half to let me know what was going on, and thank god for him. He kept me updated with everything, I always knew what was going on, and I seriously can't thank him for that. I couldn't be there but he made sure I knew everything that was happening;

Most importantly that she was going to be okay.

It was scary as hell not knowing what was going to happen, it was like reliving my uncle's accident all over again. And it's difficult to say the very least. And now I can finally breathe again, that she's home and safe and he's there to take care of her and love her and be her rock. And she's going to be just fine. (:

So when someone says, we need to talk, about you, it makes me a little more apprehensive than I already was. And by you making me wait some more to tell me whatever it is you wanted to tell me about myself, it enlarged the scale and made things so much worse. I tried to tell you that I was already going through a lot and that I couldn't deal with that in addition, and you took that as me flipping out on you.

Trust me. I wasn't flipping out on you.

So I don't really have anything else left to say except that it's not my fault that you flipped my words into something they weren't, but i'm serious when I say no one can tell me what to do. So you don't get to tell me to calm down or chill out when my best friend is sitting in a hospital bed and there's nothing I can do about it.

That's all I have to say, if you want to stay pissed off at me then fine, you go right ahead. I'm not gonna stop you. If you want to use me to be angry with, fine. Do it. All that emotion is gonna go somewhere, so why not me, right?

Now who's the emotional punching bag?